Not the day we expected…

We began this morning with an early start, not that it is unusual for us to be up at 6am but today we had a plan. We knew what needed to be done and the timescale that we had set ourselves. Well plans mean nothing when you have animals!

Our ultimate goal was to reach my in-laws for a little visit/mini break. Something we have been looking forward to as its going to be a big family affair and we are all about the family!

So we started the day rushing around packing which for two adults, a baby and a dog, takes some time. Time which we didn’t really have as I had a fitness class to get to before we hit the road. Amazingly we managed to get all the packing done in time and I went off to do my hours fitness class. Which was a good class, just as an aside! The only thing we had left to do for us to be free to leave was clean out our rabbit house.

Well home we rushed from my fitness class to quickly clean out the rabbit and make tracks…to find my poor boy unresponsive. I immediately called the vets and rushed him along. Well that was this morning and I am now sitting in bed not knowing how he is. They weren’t sure what the matter was, so they have tried a few things but unfortunately I got a call saying they aren’t sure he will make it through the night.

It might sound silly but even though I left him there in a bad condition, I was still not prepared to hear the vet say he may not get better. Thankfully I have a wonderful veterinary surgery and not only do I fully trust them to do all they can but I also know they will be comforting to him. 

They very kindly let me pop in before they closed so I could give him a cuddle. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see him incase he didn’t make the night. At least now I know I gave him a cuddle, he knew I was there and that was loved. I fear tomorrow may be a sad day.

As you can imagine, our trip has been postponed until we hear tomorrow morning how he is. I truly hope that he is better but I am also aware it may not be good news. 

So it’s not the day we had expected by any means but our little man needed us and he is one important rabbit to us!

Wife and mother, X

Afraid of the dark

It’s funny, I know I used to be afraid of the dark but I don’t really feel like I am anymore.

I am not sure if it is age thing or if it is something that happened when I became a mother but it was only recently that I realised that I was no longer afraid.

I remember I used to be unable to sleep for fear of the noises the house made at night. I found it especially difficult when my husband was away and the feeling of being alone in the darkness was paralysing. Frozen still, unable to move, listening intently with my heart racing uncontrollably to random creaks. Trying to sleep was almost impossible some nights and I longed not to be by myself. I only truly slept well when my husband was home.

Even writing this feels as though I am describing someone else. It’s an odd sensation looking back at yourself and feeling as though the person you were referring to could easily be a stranger.

Perhaps it’s being responsible for someone that is so dependant on you to be strong… ¬†Then again, it’s probably the sheer exhaustion that I feel these days. I don’t have the time to lie awake afraid of the sounds my house makes at night. I don’t have the energy to waste on being scared. My focus during the night is purely on my daughter and making sure we get as much sleep as possible.

To be honest I don’t remember when I began to enjoy the darkness but there is a wonderful peace there. An empty place that you can fill with what ever you like. You just simply need to see the dark as an opportunity to open your mind.

Whether it was something that progressed over time or an awakening that happened when I had my daughter; all I can say is that I’m pleased I was once afraid of the dark as now that I am not, I can appreciate the calm and space it provides all the more.

Wife and mother, x

Daily prompt : darkness

Unexpected trip to hospital!

Well let me begin by saying that I am very tired and I am sorry if my thoughts don’t seem to flow.

There are many scary moments as a parent and I know that there are so many to come which seems rather frightening to be honest. People say that once you become a parent you never stop worrying and I feel those words could not be more true as I sit here carefully watching my child sleep.

After thinking we were out of the woods with my daughters sickness bug we unfortunately ended up rushing to hospital when things took a turn for the worst and her temperature went crazy! She had a febrile convulsion which while might be very common and generally alright; was incredibly panicking to watch. My poor baby girl having a seizure just made me feel so very helpless and I don’t think I stopped shaking until we were under the care of the hospital.

Thankfully she is fine and there are no long lasting effects but boy was it scary at the time. It was of course late when it happened (as these things always seem to be) so by the time they had observed her for the appropriate hours post seizure it meant we weren’t arriving back home until morning. As we were drawing back into our drive, the houses around us were just starting to come alive with people wakening up in preparation for the day. Which just seemed to remind us how exhausted we were, knowing that even though we had been up all night, the new day had began regardless of whether we were ready for it or not.

There has been a fear in the air of it happening again. It has now been two days since it happened and we are still battling the fever. I hope that it breaks soon so that this cloud can be lifted. She only wants to be in my arms or next to us which we have no problem with as we want to keep a close eye on her.

I will happily hold her as long as she needs, sleep without covers so she can lie next to me and let her drink as much of my milk as she wants. She is my precious little girl and its my job to be there for her.

Wife and mother, x