Too tired for ice cream?!

It’s been a long week or so with an ill child while my husband is away. I vaguely resemble some form of my normal self, I’m sure she’s in there somewhere but to be honest all I see is huge black bags under my eyes, questionable hair cleanliness and my ugly (but comfy) indoor clothes. 

Of course none of that really matters when your little one isn’t well, they are the priority but it has been a tough old week for us both. Thankfully things seem to be on the mend which is exactly what I need for my sanity. I’m one sleep deprived mama, so I’m excited that my sleep could start improving. 

I’ve been trying to convey just how tired I am to my husband when we have been on the phone but since I often exclaim tiredness (as most of us do) at the end of a day, I was struggling to explain just how bad it’s been. Well here it is…

I am too tired to eat ice cream.

Now we aren’t a family that normally has sweet treats in the house as we generally try and live a sugar reduced lifestyle. We do however allow some treats here and there because well…why not?! Moderation is key. So the one trip I managed to the supermarket to buy some essentials this week, I also purchased a tub of ice cream. Ice cream that I had been craving in my exhausted state. Knowing just how delicious it would be, curled up on the sofa after a long day, before the long night ahead.

Well I bought that ice cream 6 days ago…and has it made it out of the freezer?! No! 

I am far too exhausted to even contemplate getting that ice cream tub out of the freezer. No matter how badly I’m craving it, it has nothing on bed (sorry ice cream). In fact, her bedtime has become my bedtime too as I literally need all the sleep I can get as our nights are more rocky than rocky road! 

“Wow, you must be exhausted” was the response I received from my husband when I told him. Yes, too tired for ice cream is a perfect description of just how tired I am!

Wife and mother, x

First pair of shoes!

I can’t believe we are already buying shoes for our little girl! I keep thinking back to a year ago, when she was so tiny and just lay in our arms contently. Now she is huge! Well, you know, one year old size! Huge by comparison to where she started hehe! She is just constantly on the go. I don’t know where this girl gets her energy from but I certainly wish I had some of it! 

While she is not walking independently yet, she does love walking around with either her walker or our helping hands. It has been on my mind lately to branch out and buy her first pair of shoes as while she still needs some assistance, I really don’t think it will be long until she does it alone. I also thought by having some shoes, it would give her the opportunity to try and walk around more. Up until now I would only let her have a cruise around inside the house but with shoes she would be able to do it anywhere which I’m hoping will help build her confidence. I think it’s also important to let her have the chance to experience toddling around a shop if she wants to; siting in a buggy must get old pretty fast when you are an active Monkey.

So today we did it! Daddy is just home from a trip away so we thought it would be a nice family thing to do upon his return. We ended up trying for shoes twice as the first store didn’t have any in her size, which was a really pain because our daughter screamed through the whole feet measuring process which filled me with dread at the idea of trying again! Thankfully the next shop we went into had a wonderful young assistant who made the measuring experience fun and distracted her as she did it. There was laughter and smiles which put me at ease too. There was also a fantastic selection of footwear to pick from! We picked some adorable little pink shoes with some pretty detailing on the front. They also have soft soles so aren’t as structured or heavy for crawling and a good first shoe to get used to the idea.

From the minute they went on her feet she was thrilled! We walked around the shoe shop, then around the coffee shop, then around a shoe shop for daddy (no mummy did not get shoes too, apparently I have too many?) and then walked through the car park to our car! She was having a ball and cried whenever she was lifted. 

I think it’s fair to say that she is thrilled with her first pair of shoes and once she realises she can walk without a hand, there will be no stopping her! I guess the next purchase should be some reins?!

Wife and mother, x

Me time!

Me time…time just for me? Really? Yes, really! 

Today I have had such a treat as my sister is watching my daughter while I get my haircut and not only that but coloured too! I hardly ever get my haircut, in fact I’m pretty awful at finding the time to get it done. Basically because I have a young child that I am 100% responsible for 97% of the time. Although for the record, I’m not slating my husband by any means. He is amazing and helps a lot when he is home but generally speaking I am still responsible for our child as technically that’s my job and not in an anti feminist way. My husband works very hard to support us financially (his job) and I work very hard at managing things at home including our daughter (my job). Anyway I digress…

So getting even an hour to myself does not happen very often which I don’t mind as I’m very happy in my mummy bubble however that being said, I was looking forward to this little bit of time to myself today. Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling very stressed lately (for a different post) or that my husband has already been away too many days for my liking but this little bit of time to sit and not do anything is bliss. 

I’m pleased it is finally here also because I tried this three weeks ago! I came rushing in apologising for being five minutes late (baby in tow) to be told that actually I was an hour late and had missed my appointment!! Mummy brain at its finest! Thankfully I’ve used the same hair dresser for over half a decade so she knew me well enough to know it was a mistake. Unfortunately she was off on holiday the next day so that was my alone time gone for weeks! Just like that.

As I sit here now, finally getting the time to do nothing but drink tea, look at a magazine and write a blog without interruption, it feels pretty good! 

Would I want to do it again tomorrow? Absolutely not! I crave my daughter and the time we spend together too much but once in a while, this me time isn’t so bad!

Wife and mother, x

Me time!

Me time…time just for me? Really? Yes, really! 
Today I have had such a treat as my sister is watching my daughter while I get my haircut and not only that but coloured too! I hardly ever get my haircut, in fact I’m pretty awful at finding the time to get it done. Basically because I have a young child that I am 100% responsible for 97% of the time. Although for the record, I’m not slating my husband by any means. He is amazing and helps a lot when he is home but generally speaking I am still responsible for our child as technically that’s my job and not in an anti feminist way. My husband works very hard to support us financially (his job) and I work very hard at managing things at home including our daughter (my job). Anyway I digress…

So getting even an hour to myself does not happen very often which I don’t mind as I’m very happy in my mummy bubble however that being said, I was looking forward to this little bit of time to myself today. Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling very stressed lately (for a different post) or that my husband has already been away too many days for my liking but this little bit of time to sit and not do anything is bliss. 

I’m pleased it is finally here also because I tried this three weeks ago! I came rushing in apologising for being five minutes late (baby in tow) to be told that actually I was an hour late and had missed my appointment!! Mummy brain at its finest! Thankfully I’ve used the same hair dresser for over half a decade so she knew me well enough to know it was a mistake. Unfortunately she was off on holiday the next day so that was my alone time gone for weeks! Just like that.

As I sit here now, finally getting the time to do nothing but drink tea, look at a magazine and write a blog without interruption, it feels pretty good! 

Would I want to do it again tomorrow? Absolutely not! I crave my daughter and the time we spend together too much but once in a while, this me time isn’t so bad!

Wife and mother, x

We have arrived!

I woke up this morning knowing what the vet was most likely going to say. I was ready to phone them when they opened however they beat me to it. It was exactly what we had suspected, our rabbit had passed away during the night. It was very sad to hear but we are pleased he isn’t awake and suffering.

We then repacked the car and set off for my in-laws as we had planned to do yesterday. The drive was long, maybe about 4 hours or so, with a child that doesn’t like to travel. If you even have a 15 minute drive with a crying child it seems like forever, let alone almost 5! I also get travel sick, so between the two of us, we were desperate to get out the car! 

We stopped along the way for breaks, one of which to give our daughter lunch. Well I was disinfecting the table (after reading some shocking statistics) when I got the biggest splinter you have ever seen! I was cleaning quickly and in it shot. 

I instantly grabbed my finger and knew I must get to my husband who was at our car. My family (who we were traveling with) asked to see but I just kept repeating, “I must get to my husband”. Out I ran, leaving my child with her grandparents, headed for the car park. I ran into him along the way and shouted, “Leatherman, do you have your Leatherman!” It took him a moment to react when I showed him my finger but then we agreed to pull quickly and a second later there was relief! It’s honestly the largest splinter that my husband and I have ever seen. It was about 2cm long and 2mm wide, embedded into the tip of finger nail. It was horrible! I am so pleased it is behind me, even if I do still have a very sore finger!

Anyway after that ordeal we made the remainder of our journey and have arrived! It is wonderful to be all together and know we can just enjoy the time we have. We are planning a proper day trip tomorrow with 4 generations worth of family! Pretty amazing!

This break is exactly what I was needing, I feel better already!

Wife and mother, X

Afraid of the dark

It’s funny, I know I used to be afraid of the dark but I don’t really feel like I am anymore.

I am not sure if it is age thing or if it is something that happened when I became a mother but it was only recently that I realised that I was no longer afraid.

I remember I used to be unable to sleep for fear of the noises the house made at night. I found it especially difficult when my husband was away and the feeling of being alone in the darkness was paralysing. Frozen still, unable to move, listening intently with my heart racing uncontrollably to random creaks. Trying to sleep was almost impossible some nights and I longed not to be by myself. I only truly slept well when my husband was home.

Even writing this feels as though I am describing someone else. It’s an odd sensation looking back at yourself and feeling as though the person you were referring to could easily be a stranger.

Perhaps it’s being responsible for someone that is so dependant on you to be strong…  Then again, it’s probably the sheer exhaustion that I feel these days. I don’t have the time to lie awake afraid of the sounds my house makes at night. I don’t have the energy to waste on being scared. My focus during the night is purely on my daughter and making sure we get as much sleep as possible.

To be honest I don’t remember when I began to enjoy the darkness but there is a wonderful peace there. An empty place that you can fill with what ever you like. You just simply need to see the dark as an opportunity to open your mind.

Whether it was something that progressed over time or an awakening that happened when I had my daughter; all I can say is that I’m pleased I was once afraid of the dark as now that I am not, I can appreciate the calm and space it provides all the more.

Wife and mother, x

 
Daily prompt : darkness

Oilfield wife

If you have looked at my homepage you will have seen that my husband works away. Being an oilfield wife can be difficult. It isn’t the easiest life as you have such long periods of time apart which can put a strain on your relationship.

Thankfully I have a wonderfully strong relationship with my husband. We have been together the better part of 7 years and I would not change a single second of it. Not that we haven’t had some wrecking balls thrown at us over the years. Life is not always a ball of bliss but the good definitely outweighs any tough times. We have faced so much together and I can honestly say I love my husband more and more each and every day.

The Bad 

Unfortunately having the lifestyle we do means it is incredibly difficult to plan anything. We never know how long he will be at home for at a time and often his time away can be lengthened or cut short at a moments notice. We believe that the reason we cope with our uncertain lifestyle so well is because we have never known anything different. Our whole relationship has been built  on compromising with the third person in our marriage – the rig. I shouldn’t really say “the” rig. There are so many out there and he is moved between them. He could be off the coast of Canada for a period, then England, Scotland, Brazil…

When he is away I have a single parent hat on which is difficult but it also makes me strong. I have to handle anything that goes wrong at home by myself whether it is a household issue, ill or injured child or pet. I have to cook every meal, change every nappy, do every household chore and so on. It is hard. I have said it before and I will say it again. I take my hat off to all full time single parents out there and salute all my fellow mummies in the same position as me.

We often remind ourselves during long periods apart that we have it lucky compared to some. He does not get shipped off for numerous months like people in the armed forces or people who work on boats etc. While our time apart is difficult but we should be grateful that it comes in (mostly) manageable chunks.

Something that we don’t speak about too much is the danger of working on a rig. There are so many scary stories out there from crashed helicopters to fire disasters. Again we try and remind ourselves of the many dangerous occupations out there (not that it makes you feel any better) and focus on the fact that in our current climate, or any for that matter, that we are extremely lucky to have a job and an income. Perhaps one day we will re-evaluate our lifestyle but for now this is our life.

The Good 

This is where we like to focus. We try and have a positive outlook on everything in our life. Time is the main benefit. Time is why we are still continuing the way we are. Time is precious.

The period that share together when he is home is wonderful. We are incredibly lucky to have periods of weeks where he is at home 24/7. We generally live out of one anothers pocket which is not for everyone but we love it. We enjoy doing things together but that is not to say we don’t have our own hobbies too.

He gets to experience every part of our daughters day. This was just amazing in the beginning when we were just home from the hospital and obviously still is. The precious little moments that he would miss (and does miss when he is away) that make our little girl the person she is.

We really enjoy that he can be so involved in our daily routine when he is at home and that means a helping hand for me too. Someone to amuse her so I can have a shower in peace or can provide a little respite after another bad nights sleep. All the little things that just make life that bit easier.

Most importantly for us as a couple. It means lots of time together to grow with one another. To talk with each other about anything and everything which is something we feel is very important.

The Slightly Ugly… 

This isn’t really a complaint, more an unavoidable outcome.

Two routines! It seems silly really but having two routines can be tricky. There is the routine that my daughter and I have when my husband is away and then the routine we share when he is home. One is a routine where I carry everything on my shoulders and the other is a shared load.

It is a tough transition every time. When he is home it is hard at first to remember that I have him there to help and I often feel guilty if he does or if I have to ask him to do something… “but that’s my job” is a common phrase out my mouth. It is hard to let go.

Equally it is difficult when he leaves. I suddenly lose my partner. I feel the sadness of his leaving while also having to transition back into carrying it all by myself again.

You would think I would be used to it now and while I easily fall into each routine in someways, there is always the cross over period which is tricky every time.

My Outlook 

I think that it doesn’t matter what job you have, what life you lead or where you do it. We all have our struggles. I was watching a show recently in which the man kept saying “everything in life is a trade off”. Well I think that couldn’t be more true. This is our life for the moment and through all the ups and downs we are just thankful to have each other.

Wife and mother, x