Date night!

Who would have thought it?! Hubby and I actually had a dinner out; just the two of us! We have both spent a little time away from our daughter before (hubby mostly) but this was the first time we had been out together since she was born and it was really special.

We love our little unit and haven’t felt a desperate need for us to do something without our daughter. Especially since we do enjoy cuddling down on the sofa, with a TV show and popcorn in the evening which is our time together; just us. 

We were planning on going out for dinner to celebrate our second wedding anniversary when the idea of a date night popped into my head. I’m really pleased that I did. I was so excited by the idea of quality time with my husband. No worrying about trying to make conversation while being constantly distracted by crying, feeding etc. Time just for us.

It truly was a lovely evening. We went to a very small but beautiful restaurant we found not too long ago and just enjoyed each others company. I think we will need to start having the odd date night here and there because while our family unit is important, so is the foundation of our relationship and we need to give it time too. I am already looking forward to when we next get the opportunity!

Although I must admit, I did like receiving the updates from my mother on how they we’re getting on at home! 

Wife and mother, x

Problem solved!

Everyday we are having the same battle with our daughters winter woolies. They don’t last very long before they are on the ground and if we are lucky, we may have noticed in time!

Well today we had forgotten her mittens, which made us feel like terrible parents since it was the coldest day we have had yet. Then I remembered we had a spare pair of my mother in laws gloves still in the car from their last visit. If she won’t keep mittens on, there is no way she will keep adult gloves on, I hear you say! Well, I also remembered we had sellotape in the car too!

Yes, we sellotaped the gloves onto our child!

Before you pass judgement though, let me tell you, we had 100% success (not that I’m recommending you sellotape your children’s clothes on)! The gloves stayed on for the whole walk and she didn’t even attempt to pull them off. It was wonderful! Although let the record show, we made sure it was loose enough around her wrists that it wouldn’t hurt her.  The only thing that was a bit tricky was the removal of the gloves but we also had scissors with us; which of course we used extremely cautiously.  

I’ve never been so thankful for forgetful in laws and and my disorganised wrapping of presents in the car! Problem solved!

Wife and mother, x

Mind in overload!

Life has been pretty crazy as of late which has been magnified by the fact that both my daughter and I have had a cold that has well and truly outstayed its welcome! Our to do list is longer than the length of me and while I may be short…that’s still pretty long! It just feels like we are just managing to keep our heads above water with daily chores. I’m sure things will calm down once we are feeling better and although the list will still be rediculously long, we will be at least working on it. 

My husband and I bought our house a few years ago and while there was nothing  needing done to it; there were a few things we would have liked to have renewed or made our own. I was thinking about the jobs that we intended on doing earlier today and then looked at what we had accomplished… not a lot! Not that we are lazy but there is just always something more important to be doing or a better way for us to spend our money. It has left me feeling a little blue tonight though, as I just don’t know where to find the time. I have paint cans sitting waiting to be used but by the time our day is in full swing, I just don’t know where I would slot it painting a wall, let alone a room. 

Anyway I don’t want to throw myself a pitty party, so I’ll stop! 

It has been such a wonderful time with our daughter. She is growing so fast and I can hardly take my eyes off her for a second. For two reasons, one – she is such a monkey and two – she is just too cute! Her understanding is just incredible and I spend the day saying, “how amazing is she?!” to my husband, who of course can’t help but agree.

She is so steady on her feet now which has resulted in a desire to walk everywhere. I don’t mind too much but it can be tiring if we get so far and she decides that she wants to be carried but equally our buggy is hard to push while trying to keep hold of her so often I risk it. I am looking forward to when I can use the reins properly as I think that would definitely help!

Animal obsession doesn’t even cover it for this girl! We love to play, what does the (insert animal here) say? Her knowledge of animals grows constantly and I love listening to her make all the different noises and signs. 

Signing is coming along steadily too. She doesn’t know many yet but she is using a few everyday now. Things like, animals, milk and bed are among the most used. I think that now she is getting older it will probably get easier to teach her.

In other news, I still have babies on the brain! After that whole, was I pregnant thing, I must admit that I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t feel as sad now. I was so weepy for a couple of weeks but now I feel more level headed about it and while I am still disappointed, I know that everything happens for a reason. My husband and I were planning on trying again next year but I just don’t know if I can wait that long. It has definitely become a huge topic of conversation in our household. I still worry about having too small an age gap between children though and I worry about breastfeeding…would I have to “cut her off” so to speak?

Have you experienced breastfeeding during pregnancy? How did you manage? Also did you continue to do feeds for your older child while nursing your newborn? My mind is in overload trying to consider everything!

Wife and mother, x

Too tired for ice cream?!

It’s been a long week or so with an ill child while my husband is away. I vaguely resemble some form of my normal self, I’m sure she’s in there somewhere but to be honest all I see is huge black bags under my eyes, questionable hair cleanliness and my ugly (but comfy) indoor clothes. 

Of course none of that really matters when your little one isn’t well, they are the priority but it has been a tough old week for us both. Thankfully things seem to be on the mend which is exactly what I need for my sanity. I’m one sleep deprived mama, so I’m excited that my sleep could start improving. 

I’ve been trying to convey just how tired I am to my husband when we have been on the phone but since I often exclaim tiredness (as most of us do) at the end of a day, I was struggling to explain just how bad it’s been. Well here it is…

I am too tired to eat ice cream.

Now we aren’t a family that normally has sweet treats in the house as we generally try and live a sugar reduced lifestyle. We do however allow some treats here and there because well…why not?! Moderation is key. So the one trip I managed to the supermarket to buy some essentials this week, I also purchased a tub of ice cream. Ice cream that I had been craving in my exhausted state. Knowing just how delicious it would be, curled up on the sofa after a long day, before the long night ahead.

Well I bought that ice cream 6 days ago…and has it made it out of the freezer?! No! 

I am far too exhausted to even contemplate getting that ice cream tub out of the freezer. No matter how badly I’m craving it, it has nothing on bed (sorry ice cream). In fact, her bedtime has become my bedtime too as I literally need all the sleep I can get as our nights are more rocky than rocky road! 

“Wow, you must be exhausted” was the response I received from my husband when I told him. Yes, too tired for ice cream is a perfect description of just how tired I am!

Wife and mother, x

Welcome to the world baby girl!

We have a beautiful new addition to our extended family and we have been desperate to meet her! So this week we went on a trip to see her and the new parents. We were really excited to see what our daughter would make of this tiny little baby, as although she has seen some young babies, she hasn’t really seen a newborn before.

It was so funny to see a newborn, even for us, you forget how tiny they are! Watching our daughter next to her made us realise that yes, she is definitely not a baby anymore and also just amazed that she was once that small! She looked huge by comparison. It was also funny to see parents back at the beginning journey, those first few weeks of finding your feet and adjusting to the change in sleep (or lack of). 

They were doing such a great job, they seemed relaxed and happy which was just lovely to see as we have been so excited for them. I would have loved a cuddle but hubby and I had agreed before we went that we wouldn’t overload the new arrival. We remembered what it was like at the start. A stream of visitors all desperate to have a hold (which is lovely, don’t get me wrong) but we also remember days where our child had been overwhelmed by all the new people and we had an awful nights sleep as a consequence. Now maybe that was just our experience but we had been warned of that very thing from our midwife and sure enough, it happened. Next time we go we will definitely accept a good cuddle though as she’ll be that bit further along and more used to the world. 

It was interesting seeing the baby for me as although I was so happy to meet her, I don’t think I felt broody… which is a completely new experience for me as before my daughter, all I could see were babies and I was desperate for my own. I decided that it probably answers the question of when we have our next child. Here my husband and I were planning age gaps but I think that I want to feel broody again. I want to feel that desperate desire for a baby so that if we are blessed with another then I am the most excited I could be for that new life. Not that I wouldn’t love another child if it were to happen now, as of course I would love my child. I suppose I’m saying I’d like to feel truly ready for another when we make that decision to try, rather than making it based on time. 

I’m probably getting ahead of myself though, our daughter is only a year old! Although I really liked realising just how content I am with our little family. Our special little unit. 

Wife and mother, x

First pair of shoes!

I can’t believe we are already buying shoes for our little girl! I keep thinking back to a year ago, when she was so tiny and just lay in our arms contently. Now she is huge! Well, you know, one year old size! Huge by comparison to where she started hehe! She is just constantly on the go. I don’t know where this girl gets her energy from but I certainly wish I had some of it! 

While she is not walking independently yet, she does love walking around with either her walker or our helping hands. It has been on my mind lately to branch out and buy her first pair of shoes as while she still needs some assistance, I really don’t think it will be long until she does it alone. I also thought by having some shoes, it would give her the opportunity to try and walk around more. Up until now I would only let her have a cruise around inside the house but with shoes she would be able to do it anywhere which I’m hoping will help build her confidence. I think it’s also important to let her have the chance to experience toddling around a shop if she wants to; siting in a buggy must get old pretty fast when you are an active Monkey.

So today we did it! Daddy is just home from a trip away so we thought it would be a nice family thing to do upon his return. We ended up trying for shoes twice as the first store didn’t have any in her size, which was a really pain because our daughter screamed through the whole feet measuring process which filled me with dread at the idea of trying again! Thankfully the next shop we went into had a wonderful young assistant who made the measuring experience fun and distracted her as she did it. There was laughter and smiles which put me at ease too. There was also a fantastic selection of footwear to pick from! We picked some adorable little pink shoes with some pretty detailing on the front. They also have soft soles so aren’t as structured or heavy for crawling and a good first shoe to get used to the idea.

From the minute they went on her feet she was thrilled! We walked around the shoe shop, then around the coffee shop, then around a shoe shop for daddy (no mummy did not get shoes too, apparently I have too many?) and then walked through the car park to our car! She was having a ball and cried whenever she was lifted. 

I think it’s fair to say that she is thrilled with her first pair of shoes and once she realises she can walk without a hand, there will be no stopping her! I guess the next purchase should be some reins?!

Wife and mother, x

Stressed out!

So as I mentioned in a previous post, I have been feeling really stressed lately. There are quite a few different things going on to make me feel this way and I guess what they all truly boil down to is the unknown and uncontrollable.

I received a letter to tell me I was being listed for jury duty, which I responded to explaining I was still breastfeeding my daughter and that I was her full time carer with no nursery/childminder/family to help should I be called. I hadn’t heard anything back for months, until I received a citation for a court date! I was in shear panic for a week until it was resolved. I had no one to leave my daughter with and even if I had, she is not used to being away from me and she still feeds on demand. Thankfully I called them up and it turns out it was a mistake and they fully understood why I would not be able to do it but that time of worry was horrible. I was scared they wouldn’t care and I would have to fight my corner to protect my child’s welfare.

Then the whole next baby dilemma is starting to take a toll on me too. My husband asked when we would start trying for another baby a few weeks ago and I would like more children but after my first experience, I am terrified. Not of pregnancy, even though it wasn’t easy. Amazingly, not of labour itself as although I know I have a decision to make (vbac vs C-section), I feel that is a fairly common decision to face. 

I’m afraid because I had something called a lumber puncture which basically means when I received my epidural, the needle went in too far and poked a hole in my spine. Ouch! I slowly leaked spinal fluid which resulted in me being in hospital for a week after my daughter was born, where I felt completely isolated and didn’t feel like I received decent care. It’s crazy how one week can stick in your mind so strongly.

I turned down a blood patch which could have resolved the leaking with the advice I was given at the time (for the record, I’m not advising either way). It then took me around 6 months of recovery before I was properly mobile again and I had spent almost 3 months of that completely immobile, unable to do a lot of the care for my baby myself. Which in turn was not good for my mental health as I had been so desperate for this child and now I was watching someone else care for her. Being so immobile also isolated me from other mums as I literally could not go out and meet any. 

It’s been an incredibly long road to where I am now and while my doctor tells me the chances of it happening again are no greater than anyone else’s chances…I just think but what if it did? I just can’t go through it again or worse!

I believe we are given what we can handle in life and I have survived this hurdle but truly this past year I have felt pretty broken. I guess I’m scared that it would be harder to pick up the pieces 2nd time around. I hope that my thoughts will settle and I can find some peace so I can feel in a position to try for another baby soon. Until then, I guess I’ll keep stressing!

Wife and mother, x

P.s please don’t read this and be afraid of epidurals, as lumber punctures are very rare, I was just unlucky. Although, I am not advertising having an epidural either. Always make your own decisions based on your own research.