Being a parent is hard. No question! Until that point you just had to make decisions for yourself or maybe a pet but now you are responsible for this tiny little human and it can be overwhelmingly terrifying.
I’m generally a calm person who is quite confident in what I’m doing but there is no panic like that you feel when there is something wrong with your baby and you don’t know what to do! I can remember countless times where I have frozen while I madly debate in my head what on earth I should do. Do I call someone? Should I go somewhere? Help?! Yet here I sit with my child peacefully sleeping in a house of calm (for the moment).
The truth is that there are constant scares along the way. Some bigger than others. However, we manage. Then the next time it happens we are that little bit more prepared and steadily it becomes something we can take in our stride.
I had a cousin call for some advice on their baby today. Something that was a similar experience to what I had with my daughter when she was little and the funniest thing happened. We spoke for a while and the more we spoke, the more I recalled the fear of the first time. Something that over time became “normal” but made me break down in tears at the time. Then it made me think of all the other frights we have had this past year. Things that made me feel sick to the stomach, yet I know I could handle calmer now if they were to happen again. Now that I know roughly what to expect, how to handle it, when to ask for help etc…
I loved the fact that I got a call for advice. It’s amazing how sharing your experiences about the same or similar thing, can make you both feel better. It’s comforting to know that someone lived through it, that someone has felt that terrified and helpless but it passed. That you’re not crazy for ringing the doctor again or continually taking your child’s temperature. We have all been there for one reason or another and probably will be again.
So I think one of the most valuable tools is your mummy helpline. Those friends/family that you call upon for guidance but importantly reassurance because being a parent is hard. Full stop!
Who do you call upon for support and advice?
Wife and mother, x
Recently a good friend passed away which meant, of course, a funeral to attend. I not so long ago had a family funeral to attend which after much deliberation, I decided to take our daughter to. I wrote a post before and after the experience which actually went very well. Our daughter slept through the service and was pleasant throughout the cuppa afterwards. So you can understand why I was quietly confident that this funeral should be no different.
Well this one was not as smooth. I decided to arrive about an hour early so that I wasn’t stressed about timings. I let my daughter have a wee play in the car, then some milk and then popped her into her buggy and went for a walk. She fairly promptly fell asleep. Going well, I hear you say…I thought so too.
We then filtered in with everyone else and was in the middle of finding a spot which was suitable for quick exit if need be, when she woke up! I tried to give the pram a rock but it was too late and she started to cry. The service was beginning so I had to make a quick dash out of the main room.
My dear friend was much loved so there was a spill of people out in the hallway. I found a seat there and pulled out some toys for her to play with quietly. Unfortunately she was having none of it. The service had barely begun and she was crying again. I then strayed a little further away from everyone and paced in a corridor but yet again, it didn’t work.
My last hope was a small room off of the corridor. My daughter loves walking with some assistance so that is what we did…for the whole service. We just continually looped around the room, sometimes changing route to keep it interesting for her. Thankfully it amused her enough that she stayed quiet and I was still able to hear what was being said.
While it really wasn’t the easiest situation, I was grateful that I still managed to listen, sing and ultimately say my goodbye to my friend. Although I do wish I’d been a little less stressed. I was later reassured by others that my daughter didn’t disturb anyone, so not to worry which was very kind.
I don’t regret taking my daughter with me to the funeral but I definitely think it was a lot harder than I was expecting. Those few months of age did make a difference and I imagine it will only get more difficult. I sincerely hope that we don’t have another funeral to attend for a long time!
Wife and mother, x
Death is never easy. Even when you have warning and when you know it’s kinder for the person suffering. I don’t particularly want to make a depressing post, so I’m not going to.
What I will say, is that I truly believe that life is a gift and I am so thankful for the time I spend with those around me. I’m grateful for my friend that has passed away and the memories that were made. I’m always going to remember words that may have been said fleetingly but have meant a great deal to me.
I think in times of passing it is important to focus on the good around us. To remember to not hold on to our anger or let things go unsaid. To care for one another and be kind. To be thankful for the life we have and to make the most of it.
I’ll miss my friend but I know she is at peace now and I can take comfort in that.
Wife and mother, x