Mind in overload!

Life has been pretty crazy as of late which has been magnified by the fact that both my daughter and I have had a cold that has well and truly outstayed its welcome! Our to do list is longer than the length of me and while I may be short…that’s still pretty long! It just feels like we are just managing to keep our heads above water with daily chores. I’m sure things will calm down once we are feeling better and although the list will still be rediculously long, we will be at least working on it. 

My husband and I bought our house a few years ago and while there was nothing  needing done to it; there were a few things we would have liked to have renewed or made our own. I was thinking about the jobs that we intended on doing earlier today and then looked at what we had accomplished… not a lot! Not that we are lazy but there is just always something more important to be doing or a better way for us to spend our money. It has left me feeling a little blue tonight though, as I just don’t know where to find the time. I have paint cans sitting waiting to be used but by the time our day is in full swing, I just don’t know where I would slot it painting a wall, let alone a room. 

Anyway I don’t want to throw myself a pitty party, so I’ll stop! 

It has been such a wonderful time with our daughter. She is growing so fast and I can hardly take my eyes off her for a second. For two reasons, one – she is such a monkey and two – she is just too cute! Her understanding is just incredible and I spend the day saying, “how amazing is she?!” to my husband, who of course can’t help but agree.

She is so steady on her feet now which has resulted in a desire to walk everywhere. I don’t mind too much but it can be tiring if we get so far and she decides that she wants to be carried but equally our buggy is hard to push while trying to keep hold of her so often I risk it. I am looking forward to when I can use the reins properly as I think that would definitely help!

Animal obsession doesn’t even cover it for this girl! We love to play, what does the (insert animal here) say? Her knowledge of animals grows constantly and I love listening to her make all the different noises and signs. 

Signing is coming along steadily too. She doesn’t know many yet but she is using a few everyday now. Things like, animals, milk and bed are among the most used. I think that now she is getting older it will probably get easier to teach her.

In other news, I still have babies on the brain! After that whole, was I pregnant thing, I must admit that I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t feel as sad now. I was so weepy for a couple of weeks but now I feel more level headed about it and while I am still disappointed, I know that everything happens for a reason. My husband and I were planning on trying again next year but I just don’t know if I can wait that long. It has definitely become a huge topic of conversation in our household. I still worry about having too small an age gap between children though and I worry about breastfeeding…would I have to “cut her off” so to speak?

Have you experienced breastfeeding during pregnancy? How did you manage? Also did you continue to do feeds for your older child while nursing your newborn? My mind is in overload trying to consider everything!

Wife and mother, x

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Not pregnant.

It’s funny how you can not realise how much you want something until it happens or the thought of it happens. Although we would like more children, I have not felt ready for another child after having such a bad experience with my first pregnancy. The idea of making that step has felt like such a scary idea. 

Yet here I am. Disappointed that I am not pregnant. Disheartened that my body tricked me or worse that I lost something before I could even celebrate it’s existence. 

About two months ago I completely missed my period and while we are not trying to convince, I knew that no method of contraception is a 100% effective. Something we have never been concerned with as we would always welcome a baby. At first I thought I was just late and then I wondered if it was hormones but it never came. 

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I knew I was pregnant right away but while I didn’t feel pregnant, I was having some of the same symptoms I had with her. Firstly, I had spotting. That’s something unusual for me and my first thought was pregnancy. I was exhausted, in fact, I said to my husband that I had not been this exhausted  since had been pregnant. I was nauseous, something I suffer with often anyway but it was pretty extreme nausea that hit at the same time every day. I had stomach cramps and was ridiculously emotional. Like crying during children’s TV emotional! Anyway the list goes on but you get the idea. Something felt off in my body. So while I didn’t feel pregnant, I knew that every pregnancy is different and maybe I wasn’t going to have that “feeling”. 

I decided about a 10 days after my missed period to take a pregnancy test. By this point I was pretty excited at the idea that I could be pregnant. I knew if I was that far along, I would have a pretty blazing positive, so I didn’t bother about waiting until morning. I was so nervous and excited. I didn’t tell my husband I was doing the test so that I could surprise him with it. However there was no positive. 

I instantly felt upset. Seeing a negative after feeling like I could be pregnant was devastating. I told my husband and I tried to put it out my mind. I kept having strange cramping in my stomach but still no period. I also still had all these strange symptoms and I was still incredibly emotional. I knew some women had to get a blood test to show pregnancy so I planned to phone the doctor if my period didn’t show up within the following month. 

A couple more weeks passed by and I finally bled. Although it wasn’t my normal period. It was very different and that’s when I wondered if maybe I had been pregnant but it wasn’t viable. After a couple of weeks or so, I started to feel more normal again. When I spoke to my mum about it, she also thinks I may have been pregnant but regardless of whether I was or wasn’t, I still feel sad that I am not. I feel sad that my body and mind convinced my that I was.

In a funny turn of events, I found out my sister is pregnant! I could not be happier for her but I must admit that I have a pang in my heart. It would have been wonderful to have shared this journey with her. I’m so excited to be an aunt though and I look forward to when we do have our next child. 

In some ways it has been a blessing as I have been so torn about our next child. Maybe I needed to go through this experience to realise that I am ready or that regardless of my first pregnancy, I would still cherish my next without any fear. God has a funny way of answering your fears and maybe this was the overall quieting that my heart needed. Maybe I’m ready to try for another baby now. We’ll just need to wait and see what happens next. 

Wife and mother, x

Homeschooling…

Now I know my daughter won’t be going to school anytime soon (she just turned one) but the dilemma of whether or not to homeschool is going through my mind a lot already. We spend a good chunk of every day doing some from of art, music and signing/speech development. Not for any other reason than the fact that I enjoy the time we share doing these activities and I love watching her develop.

I don’t feel the decision of homeschooling is one I want to take lightly so I guess that’s why I am allowing myself to start the investigation process now, even though we are a few years off. Even before we had children I knew it was something I would want to consider when the time came. Not that I don’t believe there aren’t good schools/teachers out there, as I’m sure there are. However, I also think that there is a lot to gain by home educating.

I love the idea of being able to be a part of my children’s learning. To help them understand the world around them and develop skills that will see them through life. I love the idea of spending the time together and knowing that all their questions are being answered. 

Although I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about such a huge undertaking, especially when there were a few age groups to teach simultaneously. I also worry about social skills, would the lack of peer time really hinder their development as people try to deter you? Would there be a level of education that I would have to send them to a state school to achieve?

There is a lot I need to research but I’m looking forward to finding out how I feel about it once I have all the information in front of me. I have started speaking to friends that homeschool and others that were home schooled themselves. It’s interesting hearing stories from both sides.

I suppose this is another huge question I can add to the “decisions I must make as a parent” pile. Just like many other questions, I guess there will be no right answer. We will just have to make the most informed decision we can and hope we made the correct choice. 

What are your thoughts on homeschooling? 

Wife and mother, x

Mummy helpline

Being a parent is hard. No question! Until that point you just had to make decisions for yourself or maybe a pet but now you are responsible for this tiny little human and it can be overwhelmingly terrifying. 

I’m generally a calm person who is quite confident in what I’m doing but there is no panic like that you feel when there is something wrong with your baby and you don’t know what to do! I can remember countless times where I have frozen while I madly debate in my head what on  earth I should do. Do I call someone? Should I go somewhere? Help?! Yet here I sit with my child peacefully sleeping in a house of calm (for the moment).

The truth is that there are constant scares along the way. Some bigger than others. However, we manage. Then the next time it happens we are that little bit more prepared and steadily it becomes something we can take in our stride.

I had a cousin call for some advice on their baby today. Something that was a similar experience to what I had with my daughter when she was little and the funniest thing happened. We spoke for a while and the more we spoke, the more I recalled the fear of the first time. Something that over time became “normal” but made me break down in tears at the time. Then it made me think of all the other frights we have had this past year. Things that made me feel sick to the stomach, yet I know I could handle calmer now if they were to happen again. Now that I know roughly what to expect, how to handle it, when to ask for help etc…

I loved the fact that I got a call for advice. It’s amazing how sharing your experiences about the same or similar thing, can make you both feel better. It’s comforting to know that someone lived through it, that someone has felt that terrified and helpless but it passed. That you’re not crazy for ringing the doctor again or continually taking your child’s temperature. We have all been there for one reason or another and probably will be again.

So I think one of the most valuable tools is your mummy helpline. Those friends/family that you call upon for guidance but importantly reassurance because being a parent is hard. Full stop!

Who do you call upon for support and advice? 

Wife and mother, x

Too tired for ice cream?!

It’s been a long week or so with an ill child while my husband is away. I vaguely resemble some form of my normal self, I’m sure she’s in there somewhere but to be honest all I see is huge black bags under my eyes, questionable hair cleanliness and my ugly (but comfy) indoor clothes. 

Of course none of that really matters when your little one isn’t well, they are the priority but it has been a tough old week for us both. Thankfully things seem to be on the mend which is exactly what I need for my sanity. I’m one sleep deprived mama, so I’m excited that my sleep could start improving. 

I’ve been trying to convey just how tired I am to my husband when we have been on the phone but since I often exclaim tiredness (as most of us do) at the end of a day, I was struggling to explain just how bad it’s been. Well here it is…

I am too tired to eat ice cream.

Now we aren’t a family that normally has sweet treats in the house as we generally try and live a sugar reduced lifestyle. We do however allow some treats here and there because well…why not?! Moderation is key. So the one trip I managed to the supermarket to buy some essentials this week, I also purchased a tub of ice cream. Ice cream that I had been craving in my exhausted state. Knowing just how delicious it would be, curled up on the sofa after a long day, before the long night ahead.

Well I bought that ice cream 6 days ago…and has it made it out of the freezer?! No! 

I am far too exhausted to even contemplate getting that ice cream tub out of the freezer. No matter how badly I’m craving it, it has nothing on bed (sorry ice cream). In fact, her bedtime has become my bedtime too as I literally need all the sleep I can get as our nights are more rocky than rocky road! 

“Wow, you must be exhausted” was the response I received from my husband when I told him. Yes, too tired for ice cream is a perfect description of just how tired I am!

Wife and mother, x

Welcome to the world baby girl!

We have a beautiful new addition to our extended family and we have been desperate to meet her! So this week we went on a trip to see her and the new parents. We were really excited to see what our daughter would make of this tiny little baby, as although she has seen some young babies, she hasn’t really seen a newborn before.

It was so funny to see a newborn, even for us, you forget how tiny they are! Watching our daughter next to her made us realise that yes, she is definitely not a baby anymore and also just amazed that she was once that small! She looked huge by comparison. It was also funny to see parents back at the beginning journey, those first few weeks of finding your feet and adjusting to the change in sleep (or lack of). 

They were doing such a great job, they seemed relaxed and happy which was just lovely to see as we have been so excited for them. I would have loved a cuddle but hubby and I had agreed before we went that we wouldn’t overload the new arrival. We remembered what it was like at the start. A stream of visitors all desperate to have a hold (which is lovely, don’t get me wrong) but we also remember days where our child had been overwhelmed by all the new people and we had an awful nights sleep as a consequence. Now maybe that was just our experience but we had been warned of that very thing from our midwife and sure enough, it happened. Next time we go we will definitely accept a good cuddle though as she’ll be that bit further along and more used to the world. 

It was interesting seeing the baby for me as although I was so happy to meet her, I don’t think I felt broody… which is a completely new experience for me as before my daughter, all I could see were babies and I was desperate for my own. I decided that it probably answers the question of when we have our next child. Here my husband and I were planning age gaps but I think that I want to feel broody again. I want to feel that desperate desire for a baby so that if we are blessed with another then I am the most excited I could be for that new life. Not that I wouldn’t love another child if it were to happen now, as of course I would love my child. I suppose I’m saying I’d like to feel truly ready for another when we make that decision to try, rather than making it based on time. 

I’m probably getting ahead of myself though, our daughter is only a year old! Although I really liked realising just how content I am with our little family. Our special little unit. 

Wife and mother, x

My baby is walking!

We have been so busy recently it’s been hard to find the time to do anything other than daily tasks but I am hoping things will settle down a bit again soon as I’m exhausted. So exhausted that I actually fell asleep putting our daughter to bed last night! I woke up a few hours later, in the dark, still not having had my dinner! Oh well, I guess these things happen…

In light of that I decided to have a quieter day today and rest as much as possible. So we spent the day doing a few household chores but mostly having a good old play together. All the toys were out, the room was in chaos but we had such a fun time together! Our daughters play has really developed again recently and changed now. She will properly make believe with you which I find so fascinating to watch. Cups of tea, pretend food, taking care of her dolly… It’s such a great new stage. I enjoyed the fact she got to burn off a lot of energy today, not that it helped her napping. In fact, she only napped a total of 15 minutes all day, which is just exhausting for both of us but we made it and have had a (planned) early night!

She has been very good at assisted walking with either a walker or a hand being held but she hadn’t quite decided to brave it alone until today. It took me completely by surprise, despite me having a feeling all day that she might try it. She was just seeming that bit more confident or daredevilish today. She was walking around the furniture and then all of a sudden, she let go and walked into the middle of the room! The utter joy from both of us was wonderful! Once she got so far she fell down and hasn’t been able to replicate it again yet, although it was very close to bedtime so there wasn’t much opportunity. It happened so quickly I didn’t have time to grab my camera but I’ll be ready tomorrow!

I still can’t believe she did it! I’m sad my husband missed it but I’m so happy that she felt confident enough to do it! There are so many precious moments. Some big, others small but truly moments to treasure!

Wife and mother, X