Too hard on myself

Do you ever get to the end of the day and look back at everything you have accomplished and think…why am I so hard on myself?

Well tonight is one of those nights and while it is much better than the evenings where I am scolding myself for not getting enough done, I still feel a bit cross with myself. Cross because I wish I could see things clearer at the time rather than hours later. Although I am sure it is a gift many of us wish we had.

Time can bring clarity. I know being hard on myself is not the worst thing in the world or the hardest thing I have to face and yet in some ways it is. Fighting with yourself gets you no where and there is no winning.

I spent most of today feeling like I was underachieving. Underachieving at being a mother, a home maker and well just as a human in general. Why wasn’t the house tidier? Why couldn’t I find the time to finally sort through the box for the attic? Why am I so tired? The list goes on…

Yet here I am, having just settled my daughter after her evening feed and everything is calm. Once her toys were tidied away at the end of the day I remembered the mess was the fun we had been having together. I see the chores I have managed to do and know I will get to the rest in time. My heavy eyes remind me of our early start in the morning, all the play we have had and the run that I managed to achieve (with dog and buggy). Most importantly looking at my sleeping baby tells me that I have had a successful day. She is happy, loved and well looked after which is all any of us can ask for in life.

So actually I did well today and I should stop being so hard on myself. I did my best. I made it through the day.

Wife and mother, x

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