It’s funny, I know I used to be afraid of the dark but I don’t really feel like I am anymore.
I am not sure if it is age thing or if it is something that happened when I became a mother but it was only recently that I realised that I was no longer afraid.
I remember I used to be unable to sleep for fear of the noises the house made at night. I found it especially difficult when my husband was away and the feeling of being alone in the darkness was paralysing. Frozen still, unable to move, listening intently with my heart racing uncontrollably to random creaks. Trying to sleep was almost impossible some nights and I longed not to be by myself. I only truly slept well when my husband was home.
Even writing this feels as though I am describing someone else. It’s an odd sensation looking back at yourself and feeling as though the person you were referring to could easily be a stranger.
Perhaps it’s being responsible for someone that is so dependant on you to be strong… Then again, it’s probably the sheer exhaustion that I feel these days. I don’t have the time to lie awake afraid of the sounds my house makes at night. I don’t have the energy to waste on being scared. My focus during the night is purely on my daughter and making sure we get as much sleep as possible.
To be honest I don’t remember when I began to enjoy the darkness but there is a wonderful peace there. An empty place that you can fill with what ever you like. You just simply need to see the dark as an opportunity to open your mind.
Whether it was something that progressed over time or an awakening that happened when I had my daughter; all I can say is that I’m pleased I was once afraid of the dark as now that I am not, I can appreciate the calm and space it provides all the more.
Wife and mother, x
Daily prompt : darkness